| You're always made up |
[10 Mar 2004|05:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
I have a new journal.
withoutxmakeup
Friends only prob.
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| this song makes me want sex in a disturbing way.... |
[09 Mar 2004|10:45pm] |
|
She hits the lights.
This doesn't seem quite fair.
Despite everything he learned from his friends,
he doesn't feel so prepared.
She's breathing quiet and smooth.
He's gasping for air.
"This is the first and last time," he says.
She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his.
He keeps his hands pinned down at his sides.
He's holding back from telling her
exactly what it really feels like.
He is the lamb, she is the slaughter.
She's moving way too fast and all he wanted was to hold her.
Nothing that he tells her is really having an effect.
He whispers that he loves her,
but she's probably only looking for...
So much more than he could ever give.
A life free of lies and a meaningful relationship.
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| So kiss me hard, cause this will be the last time that I let you |
[09 Mar 2004|08:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
What the fuck am I doing?
I do not know how I get through the days. I wake up, and the first thing I am reminded of is every time you have hurt me, but of course I act like nothing is wrong. Or maybe I've just come accustomed to being hurt, that I don't even care that I am getting hurt.
Why didn't you just say goodbye for good?
As you said, why the fuck would you want someone like me?
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| It wasn't your dream, it was mine. |
[08 Mar 2004|09:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
Um. Definately just blacked out in the bathroom. I took my belly button ring out and then couldn't get it back in. It makes me queasy sometimes to touch my belly button and yeah. Had to run to my room to lay down and my ears wouldn't stop ringing.
The weekend was fun. Went shopping with Lauren. Got cute skirts and such, and finally a new white purse. My other white one is pretty dirty. Saturday night, me, Lauren, Emily, Lindsay and Amanda #2 went to Deven and Randy's for Pip's last night before going back to France. After the guys were done getting ready, we went to this other kids house that was having something for Pip. Eventually, Lauren went to hang out with Blake and Lindsay had to be home early...and it was only like 11. I was not going to go home. So I happened to call my friend Kyle and he told me about some party he was going to which happened to be only a mile from where we were, so Lindsay took us 3 there. She just dropped us off in the middle of the street. We walked in and it definately wasn't the right party. Everyone was looking at us, wondering who the hell we were. And Amanda2 and Emily had their bags with them cuz they were going to be spending the night somewhere. So I called Kyle and the party was on the next street over. Too many people. Saw some people I wouldn't expect to see...the first guy I gave head to that graduated a few years ago..Jesse,who can hook up with me in a bathroom but is too cool to talk to me other than that, and some others. Definately from back in the slut days. I like how people still call me a whore and shit, when the only guy I've done anything with in the past year is Anthony, and now I am too scared to even do anything with a guy if I wanted to.
It's cute how certain girls don't talk to you at school, but outside, it's "OMG hi sweetie!!!" blah blah blah.
And I don't like it when people suck on my suckers either. It came to be about 1 in the morning, and I wasn't home yet. I called Ryan and he came and got me. Got home an hour late. So my mom doesn't care that I got home around 2 last weekend, but this wkend she was pissed.
I know I should watch what I write, only because I will get shit for it, but whatever. Fuck you.
People that mind, don't matter, and people that matter, don't mind.
Oh yeah. I wanted to have sex with the weather today. Skirts skirts skirts here we come. Ahhh.
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|
[06 Mar 2004|10:56am] |
How is Claudia Schiffer a model? She has really ugly teeth.
That kinda bothers me.
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| All those kisses, it didn't mean jack... |
[06 Mar 2004|12:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
I really like the song "I don't want you back" by Eamon. Although I just saw the video, and this mexican/ black thing isn't workin for him.
We're gettin a lab puppy soon. Yay. I lovelovelovelovelovleovleolveovlove puppies.
My moms goin outta town for a few days later this month. Wee.
Prom is starting to worry me.
I almost asked him to hold me. I don't want a hook up or any shit like that. I just want someone to lay with and to hold me and to tell me I am beautiful again.
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| bright eyes. |
[05 Mar 2004|09:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
close your eyes
the dark outside can't hurt you
and i will never desert your bedside
so close them tight
the stars are so glad that they've found you
and on the blankets that surround you
they shine their light
they shine their light
rest your head and i will be watching from the doorway
as you drift into a perfect, peaceful sleep
and morning will come in all its simple glory
and you will find the light
and i will be there
standing in your shadow
knowing that you once were mine
all mine
my baby
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| lts3 |
[05 Mar 2004|01:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
I just don't want to be forgotten.
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| Make it hurt. |
[04 Mar 2004|10:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gloomy |
] |
Hung out with him tonight.
Did shit I shouldn't have but whatever. Uncompromising positions make me uncomfortable. It completely turns me off to be pressured. Ugh. I guess because I still know where my heart is and don't give a fuck about getting some, unlike some.
If he is, then I am gonna.
I am so confused. But what helps is knowing that one can't do anything about another not caring/wanting them.
It's hard knowing I could sit down with him right now, and he'd tell me how he really felt. But he won't. So we will continue to fake.
|
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| Isn't love great? |
[04 Mar 2004|12:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
He wishes he could scratch out every memory of me with a fucking razor blade.
|
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| The first cut is the deepest |
[03 Mar 2004|11:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
discontent |
] |
I think someone that lives here(preferably a guy) should learn French and speak it to me.
And take me out.
Uh, I haven't been asked out on a real date in forrrrevvvverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Prolly cuz I spent the past year with him, but whatever. Do it!
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| I say you two should just bang |
[03 Mar 2004|10:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
I feel like Marissa on the OC.
And I am amazingly attracted to Adam Brody. Wowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowowwoowow. I would like a boy that looks like him please.
Oh wait, I already have.
I am funny.
|
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| But you did |
[02 Mar 2004|10:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
Time to see other guys.
I have no worries now. I don't believe that there's only one person for one, and if there is, I have yet to find him.
I thought I'd never have such strong feelings for one when Adam and I broke up, but I did. And hell, I will again.
Or maybe I'm just in denial. It's easier. It hurts less.. I think.
You won.
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isnthighschool's journal
pissed off
